Many of the rituals that we observe when dealing with the loss of those we hold dear, are not available to us at this time.
From preparing and dressing the departed to sitting the Jewish shiva or observing the Jamaican nine-nights, holding a carefully planned funeral where friends and family can gather together in shared sorrow, prayer, remembrance and sometimes celebration. Through these and many other rituals and norms, we find solace.
Due to the coronavirus lockdown and restrictions, we find ourselves unable to respect and honour our rituals. Many key events have been deferred, but when this is to commemorate the life of someone that option often feels like a poor alternative. Similarly, comfort is not the same through a video conferencing app when what you really want is to be hugged. Sometimes there is not a like for like alternative; we are forced to adapt. So what can we do to support ourselves and each other?
Dealing with loss during lockdown
Be kind to yourself. We may have to grapple with mixed emotions about the loss of someone and it is important to acknowledge them.
Grieving takes time but remember that those poignant dates such as birthdays and anniversaries can bring with them an emotional surge. Be open to all your emotions: laughter, tears, anger.
Keep talking to friends and family. Maintaining your connections, sharing your thoughts and feelings and just engaging is important. Don’t go through your loss alone.
Sharing stories and listening. My grandmother died recently and as a family, we found it enormously comforting that we could share pictures, anecdotes, her favourite songs and scriptures. Think about what works for you.
Embrace doing what you can. With all the restrictions there are many things that we are unable to do but keep the focus on what is possible. Search for and embrace the possibilities.
Feel free to defer big decisions until you feel strong enough to make them and have had enough space to think through the implications.
Get bereavement counselling or other support if you need it. There are a number of UK bereavement charities and organisations such as Cruse Bereavement Care that can offer guidance, support and counselling.
This is a time of unprecedented challenge and nations across the world have been impacted by the pandemic. Dealing with bereavement is always difficult, but suffering loss during lockdown has made dealing it all the more challenging. When lockdown is over, our diaries will be bulging with deferred gatherings, parties, celebrations and memorials.
In the meantime, be kind to yourself and watch out for others.